13 ways to spend money on yourself wisely and irresponsibly.

Here, when I am talking about money I am just talking about $1,000.  So, be cool guys!

This post is imaginary because I shall never have one thousand dollars but, again what the hell right? Okay then. I have $1,000. Still unbelievable to just write it down.

Let me start with my $1,000 fantasy

• Upgrade my graphics card, a new mobo, and blow the rest on games. God I feel guilty saying that.

• Heroin? Anyone say heroin yet? Yeah, heroin.


• Either one $1000 hooker or one thousand $1 hookers.

• A flare gun: I've always wanted a flare gun for no particular reason.

• 20 years worth of Xbox Live.

• Cocaine, beer, and pinball games at the local arcade. I already have said heroin, haven't I? 

• All the premium porn subscriptions.

• 100,000 penny sweets. Duh!

• A functional replica of the Wallace Sword, a pair of cheap guns, and a sheath and holster for all of them.Then I can go out into the streets at night, and become......Mel Gibson-man.

• Those gold flakes that you eat to turn your shit golden.That's the dream.

• wigs and clothes to dress the way I FU***** WANT TO, MOM!

• Four good hookers in batches of two.

AND FINALLY

• A one way plane ticket across the country (lets assume 500) and when I get there, go to the closest gas station and buy lotto tickets, a 6-pack, and some jerky with the remaining money.After which I'll spend my time drinking the beer, using a penny from the penny cup to scratch the ticket, and gnaw on some jerky whilst scratching my tickets hoping for enough money to make it home.